... infant carseats in the car.
... high chairs in the kitchen.
... bath seats in the bathtub.
... cribs in the nursery.
There should be two of so many things, but most especially, two precious babies to hold and rock and snuggle and nurse and smell and feel their solid, warm little bodies sleeping on my chest.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Another title
I almost named this "Grieving Marin," because I think that's what this blog is for. But then I thought that maybe in time, it will be a little less about the grief and more about my acceptance of what happened. At least I hope that will be the case.
Putting my thoughts into words helps me to feel just a tiny bit better. Writing them means that I don't have to say them out loud. But I think that random blog posts in our family blog sort of ambushed people. One second seeing Hayes with a goofy grin and the next reading and feeling my sadness. During a lunchtime conversation, Kyle would quietly say, "I didn't know you had posted on the blog," referring to one such occasion. My broken heart would ache for the extra pain I had caused him in surprising him. It's just not fair to others. So, I've created this space that people have to purposefully open to read.
A simple fact that I want people to know is that I am not sad all of the time. Mostly, though, these posts will reflect my grief because that's when I feel like I need the outlet.
Today, I saw beauty in the tall grasses that swayed in the wind against the stark, snow covered landscape. How can I let myself see beauty in the world when she is not in it?
Putting my thoughts into words helps me to feel just a tiny bit better. Writing them means that I don't have to say them out loud. But I think that random blog posts in our family blog sort of ambushed people. One second seeing Hayes with a goofy grin and the next reading and feeling my sadness. During a lunchtime conversation, Kyle would quietly say, "I didn't know you had posted on the blog," referring to one such occasion. My broken heart would ache for the extra pain I had caused him in surprising him. It's just not fair to others. So, I've created this space that people have to purposefully open to read.
A simple fact that I want people to know is that I am not sad all of the time. Mostly, though, these posts will reflect my grief because that's when I feel like I need the outlet.
Today, I saw beauty in the tall grasses that swayed in the wind against the stark, snow covered landscape. How can I let myself see beauty in the world when she is not in it?
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