I almost named this "Grieving Marin," because I think that's what this blog is for. But then I thought that maybe in time, it will be a little less about the grief and more about my acceptance of what happened. At least I hope that will be the case.
Putting my thoughts into words helps me to feel just a tiny bit better. Writing them means that I don't have to say them out loud. But I think that random blog posts in our family blog sort of ambushed people. One second seeing Hayes with a goofy grin and the next reading and feeling my sadness. During a lunchtime conversation, Kyle would quietly say, "I didn't know you had posted on the blog," referring to one such occasion. My broken heart would ache for the extra pain I had caused him in surprising him. It's just not fair to others. So, I've created this space that people have to purposefully open to read.
A simple fact that I want people to know is that I am not sad all of the time. Mostly, though, these posts will reflect my grief because that's when I feel like I need the outlet.
Today, I saw beauty in the tall grasses that swayed in the wind against the stark, snow covered landscape. How can I let myself see beauty in the world when she is not in it?
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